


Dec 24

by dizzy



Series: Crisscolfer Advent 2015 [24]
Category: Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-16 19:11:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5837590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because i could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dec 24

The bag hits the ground with the quiet thud of books hitting pavement through a layer of cloth. It's unzipped, because Darren had been reaching into it a few minutes earlier, rooting for the power bar he's sure he put in there while he pressed his phone to the ear with his other hand and navigated through the throng of a student body to his next class. 

It is not the first time Darren's dropped his backpack in the student quad. 

It is the first time Darren's dropped his backpack in the student quad and sent three dozen rainbow colored foil packets cascading onto the ground around him. 

Everyone around him laughs. 

Darren laughs, too. Is he embarrassed? Sure. Is he going to let people realize that? Fuck no. 

He's on his knees picking them up (and thinking about how he's going to be late for class now) when he sees a foot nudging at one of the packets out of the corner of his line of sight. 

He reaches out and snags the condom on the guys shoe, then looks up slowly. “Oh. Wow. Chris! hi!” 

Chris looks less than amused. “Hi, Darren. Nice to see you again.” 

Darren grins. “Yeaaah.” 

Chris nudges another condom with his toe, pushing it toward Darren as Darren gets to his feet. "So, why... I mean. That's a lot of. You know. Condoms. So I guess you get around a lot?" 

Darren's shoulders tense despite his casual tone when he says, "Honestly? Yeah, I kinda do. And I'd rather be, you know, prepared. But this shit's expensive and the health center gives them away for free so every couple of months I just go load up on them." 

Chris looks slightly lost, or maybe slightly sick. 

It makes Darren feel bad, but - fuck, man. They've only been on one date, and it was weeks ago. Chris hasn't even texted him in days. They're not exclusive. He doesn't get to judge.

"Right." Chris stares at the mess on the ground. "Okay, then. Bye." 

And he's gone before Darren can try to figure out just why it upsets him so much. 

* 

It was a good date, that one time they went out. 

Darren spent a week before that working up the nerve to ask Chris out. They'd been flirting, feeling each other out, and he'd realized a few days in that Chris probably wasn't gonna bite the bullet. Darren didn't mind. He's okay being the pursuer, he doesn't mind a little chase when it's all consensual fun. 

They even made out a little in his car before he took Chris home. And it was nice - really nice. Some top notch kissing, even if that's as far as it went. Darren was fine with that, too. He's the kind of guy who is happy letting whoever he's with set the pace. If Chris wanted to keep it tame right out of the gate, that was okay. 

Except that they never got any further than that, because Darren figured after he'd been the one to ask Chris out and plan the date that it was up to Chris after that, and Chris never called him. 

Maybe that's why he's so surprised to come out of his Wednesday night class and see a missed call and a voicemail from Chris. 

"You know what I hate most in the world? I hate feeling stupid. And I feel stupid right now, because I like you a lot. I had a crush on you all last semester. We were in the same Psych 101 class and I sat four rows behind you. When you asked me out a few weeks ago I thought it was because you remembered me from that class, but then I realized you didn't even know my name and you actually went an entire semester spending six hours a week in the same room as me and you never noticed me. But you did notice me, and you - you're the first person to ever ask me on a date, you know that? That was my first date. Are you laughing now? I bet you are. It's okay. I know it's pathetic. You can laugh. It was a good date. And the kiss was - well. It was my first kiss, too. And I was so fucking... I was happy, when I went home that night. But then I didn't hear from you again and I saw you a few days later with some blonde girl and she was sitting in your lap. And then today, when you - I just, I. I hate feeling stupid. I hate that I tricked myself into thinking you liked me too when you were probably just disappointed I didn't put out so you moved on to someone else. And I hate that it took me nineteen years to get a date and now I'll know it was with someone who probably forgot I existed as soon as we said goodnight. Or, hey. Maybe you won't forget me now, you'll just remember me as that crazy pathetic kid who told you his life story in a voicemail. Just delete this. Just-" 

The voicemail ends. 

Darren stands there, stunned as his classmates walk around him. 

* 

He waits until the next day to call Chris back. Chris doesn't answer. He sends a text message. Chris doesn't respond. 

Darren's normally the kind of guy to take a hint, but after he's had lunch with some of his friends he finds his feet taking him to the bookshop where Chris works, where they met a few weeks ago. 

Luck is in his favor, maybe. Chris is working, but because he's working he has the freedom to turn at the sight of Darren and make a beeline right for the area behind the counter. Darren throws caution to the wind and shouts, "Chris!" loudly enough that Chris's manager stops and looks at them. "Colfer," she says. "I think this customer wants your attention?" 

Her tone is firm but amused, leaving Chris little choice but to walk back over to Darren. "You should go," he says quietly. 

"Not unless you say you'll have dinner with me." He doesn't ask for it to be a date. He already feels like he's handling delicate glass. The wrong word and this will shatter and Darren's surprising himself at how very much he doesn't want that to happen. 

Finally, Chris nods. "I'll be off work in an hour." 

*

Darren spends the intervening time wandering around outside the bookstore and thinking. 

He's not the kind of guy who plans out how things will go in advance very often. He likes just seeing what life throws at him. 

But maybe some things deserve planning. Maybe some things deserve effort. 

Chris was right, in his message. Darren can't remember him. Unless he's lying, and he'd have no reason to lie, then Darren really did look right through or past or around this person who was looking at him. It's an unsettling feeling, especially because he likes Chris. Chris made him laugh on their date. He kissed like - well, looking back, Darren realizes that he kissed like someone who didn't know how to do it any other way than fully. 

Darren can't really remember his first kiss. It definitely wasn't with someone he liked. 

He can't actually remember the last kiss he had that was with someone he liked. His relationships spark and fade without ever catching fire. Sex is good and he has plenty of it, but things never last much past the bedroom for a handful of dates. 

When was the last time he met someone he thought about being with long term? When was the last time someone made him want to try? 

He can't remember that, either. 

* 

Chris is only willing to go as far as the dining hall on campus. 

Darren agrees, because Chris looks like a small woodland creature right now. He looks ready to bolt. 

"So," Darren says. "So, you're really into me, right?" 

Chris flinches. "There goes my dignity." 

"It's - there's nothing wrong with that." 

"Wow," Chris says in a dry voice. "This is everything I imagined." 

"I mean." Darren's frustration rises, evident in his tone. "I just wish I'd known." 

"Would it have made a difference?" Chris asked. "If I'd told you that I'd had a thing for you for months before we ever went out? How would you have reacted? Would you have even gone on even one date with me?" 

Darren has no answer. "I don't know." 

"So, why does it matter now?" 

"Because I liked you," Darren says. "I had fun." 

"And you never called?" 

" _You_ never called!" Darren's hand flaps out in a gesture subconsciously illustrating the emotion behind his words. "That usually means you're not interested. And, look - I know you said you saw me with someone, and, I'll be honest. I did sleep with that girl. I sleep with a lot of girls. And a lot of guys. I'm not embarrassed about that, you know? It's always a consenting adult situation. Sex is fun and it's healthy and I don't go into it with anyone that doesn't know exactly where I stand with them." 

"Can I please leave yet?" Chris asks. His face is red and his lips are drawn tight. "You're talking to me like I'm an idiot and I don't understand how the world works. You were never going to live up to my boyfriend fantasies, I understand. I didn't need to be sat down and have it spelled out." 

"Shit," Darren curses under his breath. "That's not what I was doing, okay? It's not what I was trying to do, at least. The thing is - I do like you. And I don't know... if I can be a boyfriend, like that. But you made me think about it. I don't know if that makes you better, but - no one else has made me think about it." 

"So, my whiny voicemail that triggered your guilt complex?" Chris asks. "Why would that make me feel better?"

"I don't know. Fuck, I can't get anything right with you - I just want to fucking go on another date!" Darren throws both hands up. "So, will you go out with me again?" 

Chris stares at him. "Are you serious?" 

"Do I look like I'm joking?" 

Chris stares some more. "No." 

"Then." Darren's voice softens. "Will you? I mean, I'm not making any promises. I don't know where this will go. But I want to try, if you feel like putting up with me until I figure it out." 

"I don't want to go out with you if I have to worry that you're leaving me to go spend the night with someone else." 

"Okay," Darren says. 

"That easy?" 

Darren shrugs. "I'm still not promising anything. I'm just saying, if I feel like the temptation to go out with someone else is that strong, I'd tell you before I did anything." 

"So I'd know your little experiment failed?" 

Darren almost wants to say it isn't an experiment, but... maybe it kind of is. He shrugs again instead of speaking. Chris is still looking at him, scrutinizing him. 

"Yeah," Chris says, finally. "Okay, then." 

* 

Four dates. 

Nine evenings spent at each other's apartments that they don't actually call dates. 

Phone numbers exchanged. Couple selfies taken. Friend introductions made. 

(Sounds of disbelief from Darren’s friends ignored.) 

Facebook statuses changed. 

Darren's never been happier, in general and in this moment with Chris panting under him. The kisses are wet and the movements of his body are unsure but Chris is a quick learner. Darren's reeling from his clever touch when Chris leans down and whispers, "Condom?" 

"Drawer," Darren says, stealing a kiss before Chris twists over him to reach the nightstand. He tugs it up and then laughs sharply, startling Darren. "What-" 

Chris comes up with a handful of packets. He looks sinfully delicious with his hair mussed and his cheeks read and a smirk on his face. "Oh, nothing. Just... these look familiar." 

"Fuck." Darren covers his face with his hands and laughs, because... what else can he do?


End file.
